Eran's blog

Morning Commute January 2nd, 2007

There’s a special place in hell for people who eat smelly foods on crowded trains. Hey lady, we’re all hungry here! And I truly do not care to smell your egg salad sandwich, ok? Human society is held together by lies and delayed satisfaction, so get with the program! You could do with less feeding anyway. Trust me on that.

There’s a special place in hell for people who grab the suddenly open seat I was slyly advancing on. I saw it first and even if I didn’t, I’m me and you are most likely not. So get off the seat, bro, it’s mine. It has my butt prints all over it!

There’s a special place in hell for that woman on her cell phone who won’t shut-up about how text messages are the new thing. If you really think that, start using them more often and leave the rest of us in peace. We really don’t care about that new guy you’re dating, how shy he is and how he hasn’t gotten any in months. By the way, looking at you, I sincerely doubt his luck is gonna change any time soon.

There’s a special place in hell for every N train ever stuck at the entrance to a tunnel or just before that one invisible spot that’s apparently the only place they’re allowed to stop at that entire huge platform. I’ve never seen any such spot so I guess it’s only visible to MUNI drivers with their advanced training in sensing just how late you are. Oh, and thank your for that incredibly slow roll into 4th and king; there’s no view I like better than my train leaving the station.

Just so we end on a positive note, it’s a new year after all, there’s a will-call ticket to heaven waiting for all the women on that crowded metro car who subtly checked me out while I wasn’t looking. It’s a shame I have no ego to build (it’s been demolished long ago by your sisters) but had I been in possession of one, I’m sure it would have expanded an inch or two. I thank you for your efforts.

note: reposted from yelp cause Eddie made me do it.


Filed under: Fiction

2 Responses - Comments are closed.

  1. assaf says:

    Once you get tired of the Muni/CalTrain mashup, you can always switch to the clogged tubes of 101.

  2. daxle says:

    Hehe, the N Train is always getting stuck. I used to live on Judah so I have a special hatred for it.

%d bloggers like this: